umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
