i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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