The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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