There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
