I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
