Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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