I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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