I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
