I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
