She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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