It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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