tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
