Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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