I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
