An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize