Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
