I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
