Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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