I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
