i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
how drunk are you?
Several
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
