How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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