Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
