My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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