I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
