i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
