She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
