very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
