Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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