I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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