okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
