Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
