the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
