He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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