note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
