my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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