Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize