It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize