Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
