were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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