as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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