We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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