my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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