I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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