Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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