He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
