Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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