idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
