I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
