Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
