he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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