I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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