I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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