i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
