Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The police scanner is talking about you again....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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