woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
