Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
