i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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