Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
