I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
PANTIES FOUND
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