im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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