i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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