After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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