I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
