Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
PANTIES FOUND
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