he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize