I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
